Hitting the brick wall in my writing (or “How I’ve Mishandled My Life”)

I’ve actually felt pretty freaking guilty about my abysmal word count lately. It’s not that I haven’t written anything. It’s that what I have written has given me so much trouble that I usually end up deleting most of it and starting over. My last posted word count was Jan 11 (34985). Today is Jan 27, and my count is 37063. That’s 2078 words in what, (doing some quick math here…) 16 days? Less than 130 words a day?!?! That sucks!

Here’s what’s been going on:

1. I’ve been pretty sick, and am still not over it, but am now to the point that I’m through most of the actual illness, and am simply tired… all the freaking time.

2. Family issues have forced us to make a few whirlwind trips to Oklahoma over a few weekends this month.

3. Son’s birthday, my wife’s and my 25th anniversary, parties for same…

4. And I have been in a tough part of the story. I think I’m through the worst of it (finally have my character on the path to his demise ).

But here’s the thing – this is life! It’s as simple as that. These are not things that writers (or anyone else, for that matter) don’t run into all the time and I feel like I’ve handled my life pretty poorly over the last month or so.

I’m starting to get back on it, but am still having trouble. I think it’s just one of those periods that I will just have to power through, throw the main ideas on the screen, and ignore the flagrant errors in SPAG and plot. Just force it and come back later with some SERIOUS rewrites. I don’t like the idea of writing that poorly, but I’m afraid that if I don’t get the momentum back, I’m going to let the rest of my life overtake my writing again. The last time that happened, I set it down for a decade, and Sm1ley ain’t so young anymore. There just aren’t that many productive decades left in this old carcass.

So this is Sm1ley, publicly declaring that I have sucked lately, and I hold myself accountable. I will get back on the damned horse! I will meet my February 28 deadline. When life gets in the way for one day or weekend, I will not accept that it is time lost. Instead, I will make that time up at the next available opportunity.

Take it as me giving myself a pep-talk, or venting into the ether. Take it as a mission statement, or the ravings of a self-indulgent narcissist who thinks his problems or views on life matter to anyone other than himself.

However you want to take it, this is me. I am a writer. It’s time for me to act like one.

The Espresso Book Machine

I know it’s been around for a couple of years now, but this is new to me.  Before a few days ago, I never heard of the Espresso Book Machine (EBM).  For those of you who may have been living in that cave alongside me, The EBM is Print on Demand taken to the most logical level of convenience.

The scenario goes something like this.  Little Jimmy needs a copy of Aldous Huxley’s  A Brave New World for a project at school.  Unfortunately, every school in the area is also studying Huxley’s work, and the local brick-and-mortar store has sold out.

But wait!! Little Jimmy doesn’t have to leave empty-handed if there is an EBM in the area.  Simply search on the EBM for the title (or type in the ISBN if you have it), and watch the magic of modern technology as the EBM downloads a pre-formatted digital copy of the book, prints, and binds it for you right before your eyes.  From all reports, the quality is excellent, not like the old POD books that have given the industry such a bad name for so long. The EBM uses high quality paper, full color covers, and trims the books to proper size.  When complete, it spits out a brand new, high quality book that you can immediately open to get that “new book” smell. And it does it at a price that is competitive with those found in the brick-and-mortars!

The tech is new, and there are currently very few of these bastions of literary magic in existence.  But they are beginning to catch on, and it is an obvious next step in the POD experience that links digital format and state of the art print technology with the “I need it now” demand of today’s consumer.

Also, if they take it to what I think should be the next logical step, it will provide yet another outlet for the beginning or mid-list author to get his or her books to the public.  The way I see it, this is another chance for the current “traditional” publishing houses to embrace modern technology and business models and salvage their floundering businesses.  If they don’t, it could be yet another nail in the coffin for them.

Unfortunately if past history is any indicator, I’m guessing it will be the latter.

My writing resolutions for 2011

I’m not usually one of those people who makes New Year’s resolutions.  Over the years, I’ve lost track of the number of times I have joined a gym, or vowed to “get more organized”, or some such nonsense. 🙂  But for the last several months I’ve been especially motivated with regards to my writing (as evidenced by the existence of this blog).

I seem to recall hearing somewhere that the human mind is wired in such a manner that it takes approximately three weeks of repetitive action to create a habit. I don’t know whether or not that’s true, and I don’t really want to look it up for fear that I’ll find that it isn’t. I have invested considerably more than three weeks in developing my writing “habit” at this point, and I don’t want the additional mental and/or emotional burden of finding out that my assumption is fallacious.  If ignorant bliss is responsible for keeping me writing, I’m perfectly content with my ignorance. 🙂

At this point I have fully developed a writing “habit” and want to encourage it into full-fledged “junkie-hood”. To that end, I’m going to take the plunge and make some resolutions in spite of my earlier track record.  I think/hope I can stay behind them, this time.

So here they are:

1. Finish writing & start submissions on Streets of Payne. –

Streets of Payne is a serialization that I started for an upcoming e-zine. I was hoping to get in on the ground floor of what looks to be a promising e-zine with a business model geared in favor of developing new writers. My problem was that they want a completed serial before they accept any of it. I am only about halfway finished. I therefore placed Streets on the back burner in favor of The Burning Land, my submission for the Explorers: Beyond the Horizon anthology. 

While working on The Burning Land, I was contacted by one of the editors I had spoken to regarding Streets. They wanted to let me know that there is still a spot for a serial submission.  Of course, at that point I was committed to the Explorers submission and politely explained that to her. However, The Burning Land was completed last week, and has been submitted. There is nothing more I can do on it except wait for the publishers to decide whether or not I made the cut.  Now it is time to get back to Streets. I may or may not still have time to complete it while the slot is open (at this point, I doubt it), but I’ll give it my best shot.

2. Rip up, rework, edit, and begin podiobooking of my novel Phoenix Rising –

Yep, my not so secret plan to “break out” as a writer.  Phoenix Rising is complete, and I have no misconceptions on the existing version being very saleable, but I like to think I’ve grown enough in the few years since I completed it that I can address its shortcomings and make it saleable.  And while working on doing that, why not take the additional step of podiobooking it?  My voice isn’t terrible, and podiobooking allows me to edit via the “read aloud” method, as well as (hopefully) get a few people interested in my work.

Besides, it sounds like fun.  🙂

 

3. Finish at least the first draft of my second novel, (working title Soul Eater).  – 

I think this will be my next big project. I already have a couple of chapters done. I have my basic storyline laid out in my head. I have all kinds of notes and research done. And an early version of the first chapter won honorable mention at the Houston Writers Guild’s unpublished authors’ competition several years ago. This seems like a logical next step.  Depending on how it goes, I can also look towards podiobooking it in the future as well.

4. Web site. –

While there is nothing wrong with a blog, I think I misunderstood the real purpose of having one when I started this.  I have come to realize that I have too much going on to try & cover it all in a single blog.  Blogs are (I now believe) intended as vehicles to cover discussions on a single subject.  Otherwise, you are doing nothing other than writing an online diary.  And while there’s nothing wrong with that (in fact, right now that’s really what this blog is), I don’t believe that’s something that will aid my writing aspirations.  So, I have already begun to emphasize the writing part of my life here.  Additionally, I have begun researching the various options available to me with regards to website development.  I have currently opened a Weebly account, but am not certain that’s the direction I want to go.

At any rate, development of a full-fledged web site is something that needs to happen in conjunction with the development of my writing “career”.

Doesn’t look like too much to accomplish in a year, but I want to avoid the common mistake of setting high hopes and then getting discouraged as they become less and less attainable as the year progresses.

So here’s to 2011. May it be a strong year for writing.  😀

Got it finished!

The Burning Land is in the can, and submitted to the anthology. There was no requirement for a query letter since it was an open call, but it felt wrong to submit without one, so the email was a query of sorts.

Wish me luck.

The Burning Land

Well, after several days of frantic writing, deleting, rewriting, editing, teeth gnashing, and chest beating, I have managed to work my 6400 word short story submission piece for the “Explorers …” anthology edited down to under the 5k limit.  Better yet, after even more editing & polish, I can now manage to read through it without gagging!

I’m beginning to think I may actually end up with something worth submitting before the December 31 deadline. Of course, once submitted, I may have to change my identity to avoid public ridicule, but hey – if you never try, you never know. Right?  😕

Wish me luck.

Writing – illness or enlightenment?

I came home from work early today with some of the worst sinus congestion I’ve had in several years. Head is pounding, can’t breathe through my nose, pressure bad enough to make me consider grabbing the hand drill for some relief. My wife just got home a short while ago & took my temp – 101F (that’s 38.33C for most of the world).

In short, I feel like crap. And yet the first thing that crossed my mind when she read my temp was Hey! I have a legitimate excuse to stay home & write tomorrow!

Either I’m bit mental (maybe it’s the fever?  🙂  ) . . . never mind, scratch that – too easy…

So either writing has affected me in the same manner as say… OCD or some other mental affliction, or it has elevated me to a Zen-like state of enlightenment in which mere physical illness holds no sway over me.

Yeah, I like that. I’m gonna go with the Zen master thingy.

Slow progress on the writing front…

This one is probably going to meander a bit. My thoughts on the matter seem to be a bit jumbled, so I’m going to try to just throw them against the digital wall and see what sticks with minimal editing. I figure it’s not likely to matter since, at this point, no one else sees this blog anyway. (So why am I doing this?  Oh yeah! The “Dear Diary” thing.  🙂 )

I have developed a habit lately of setting some unrealistic goals when it comes to my writing.  First, I attempted to set myself an impossible deadline for “Streets of Payne”.  I guess because I already had a first draft of the first serial installment written, that somehow made me think I could knock out an additional 40 to 50 thousand words in less than six weeks. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.  The thing is, when it didn’t happen, I told myself I would ease up a bit and “only” try to write about a thousand words a day. 

I don’t know why I felt that was a more reasonable goal, but Life has a habit of smacking me in the head when I do something stupid like that, and this time is no exception.  Nothing specific, but a lot of little issues seem to pop up to prevent me from attaining that self-imposed goal. And for the longest time, whenever I fail to meet that goal I end up beating myself up, feeling like a slacker.

Quite frankly, I’m getting tired of feeling that way.  🙂

I regularly listen to a podcast for  aspiring writers (The Dead Robot’s Society) and one of the things I like about it is that they try to hold themselves to account for the amount of writing that they get done on a weekly basis. Each podcast begins with each of the hosts announcing how much (or how little) writing and/or editing they were able  to get done. There is a feeling of accountability, and a mutual encouragement that they inspire in one another – and in me. These are folks that have been working seriously at the craft of writing for several years now and their progress varies from week to week. Sometimes they have a good week, and they are able to knock out up to five thousand words in a week. Other times, Life kicks them in the ass and they don’t get much written at all.  The thing is, they chart their progress on a words per week ratio, not words per day.

That seems to make more sense, as I have noted that I generally get at least something written each day, even if it is only a few hundred words. When I get two hundred words one night, and five hundred another, and maybe seven hundred on a third night, it’s not that I didn’t get a chance to write each night like I wanted. Instead, it’s thirteen hundred words in less than a week. Rather than dwell on what goals I may or may not attain on a given day, and then feel like crap when the progress doesn’t seem fast enough. I think perhaps I need to concentrate on the more positive.

Yeah, so I’m giving myself a pep talk. I can take it even further, to the obvious analogy of life in general. When I look at it, I lead a pretty busy life. I work ten to twelve hours a day, I attend a martial arts class three nights a week, I write, I make knives, I have a fantastic (and very understanding) wife and kids. Youngest daughter has a birthday coming up and it’s a biggie (she’s turning 18), our son is getting ready to go into the Navy, and our oldest daughter has recently moved back into town with our grand daughter and needs help settling in. And all that’s without mentioning the fact that the holiday season is here so we’ve been shopping, decorating, and preparing for the food-gasm that will occur in a few weeks.

So there’s a lot of good going on in my life, and while it keeps me busy, when taken as a whole, it’s a bit more important than worrying about how many words I got written on a given day.

Hmmm…. I suppose when I look at it that way, maybe I deserve that smack on the head. Looks like Life knew what she was talking about after all.  🙂

I guess I should be more specific when asking for mercy :)

Well, my Muse took mercy on me – sort of….

While I know this isn’t the same story idea from the other morning, I did have another idea for a completely different story. Not sure yet if it will be a short or another novel idea (I think the latter), but it is a new idea. And this time I mapped the main issues of the story in FreeMind so I have a mind map for later reference.

Woohoo!

Lost story ideas

I had a great moment this morning, lying in bed, basking in that perfect balance between sleeping and awake. I think most people are like this, but my mind seems to be at its most creative when I’m in that blissful transition between the two states.

This morning was a high point. I had one of those eureka moments where my Muse brought me the gift of a short story. Now for many writers this is no big deal. For me, however, it is pretty unusual.  You see, I most commonly write long fiction. There is a conciseness required for short story writing, and I constantly struggle with it.  Call it a personality flaw, or lack of discipline, or even lack of talent, but short stories are not my strength.

So this morning’s gift was a big deal for me. I had the storyline almost completely envisioned, and it was definitely going to be a short story.

Wanting to make sure that I didn’t lose the train of thought as I transitioned from sleeping to awake, I made a conscious effort (no pun intended) to remember the details. I showered, thinking about the story. I dressed thinking further on it. I thought about possible characterizations and plot details as I drove to work.

I had that sucker down!

Then I got to work. Today is the first day after Thanksgiving here in the US, and I walked in to find several important items awaiting my immediate attention.

Three hours later, and I didn’t have a clue as to what my Muse had left me.  Elvis had left the building! 😦

So now I’m kicking myself for having squandered the inspiration. Why didn’t I write down at least a few key words or phrases to later trigger my obviously rusting synapses? I used to keep a notebook beside the bed for these circumstances, but got out of the habit when I dropped my writing a few years ago.  Now that I am getting serious about it again, I can see that it’s going to take some adjustment to reallign my habits to better suit my new priorities.

ITMT, I can only hope that my Muse takes mercy on me and inspires me again with some trigger that will allow me to recall the tale that I lost.

(sigh)

Phoenix Rising

Another of my writing projects is Phoenix Rising. It’s a near-future post-apocalyptic novel set deep in Texas’ Big Thicket, in the imaginary town of Rejas. I’ve been thinking about what it would take to podcast the novel, and thought that the only way to ever really know would be to at least post an imaginary intro.  Posted some questions on the Dead Robots Society forum regarding podcasting (equipment, software, techniques, etc.) and they had a few suggestions that I can go back & check on.

ITMT, I created some intro pieces.  The first one is a bit loud, and I forgot to use the ambient noise reduction setting, so in places it sounds a little bit like a phone sex perv breathing in the background.  🙂

The second one is considerably quieter, but I’m afraid the volume may be set too low.  I’m also not happy with the vocal inflections in this one.

Went back & reworked them, using the vocal work from Take 1, and lowering the volume of the background music. This one is “Take 3“.

I welcome comments and/or critiques on them.